D.H.T. - Listen To Your Heart - Featuri...
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Thinking Makes My Head Hurt!

Ok so things are coming together with the family a little better now I am feeling fairly well about the whole situation. So thanks to everyone who is praying for me! Ok so lately I have been pondering some life changes. I have been offered my old job back....along with some new opportunities. The offer is great but it is very tough because I love the job I am at now. But with the Buckle it will be very easy to move up through the company. And Inspire Me is over after I finish college and there will be no opportunity to move myself on up. But I will have about two years of high end fashion experience after all is said and done. Which is a plus because alot of jobs in NY require experience in high end sales. Ne ways I have been praying and talking to some close friends. I think I have finally come to a decision which is a relief....But there is always that fear that comes with change. I love change and I hate change. Its difficult at the start but there is so much benefit to it. So that is a little update on me incase ne one was wondering lol. Now on to my next point. I was reading in my Philosophy book. Here is a quote that has made me really think or ponder. "the greatest griefs are those we cause oursleves" *Sopholces
Ok so i thought about this..can this be true to I bring on alot of the grief myself? I have been hurt by circumstances that are out of my control. I also cause alot of tension or damage just by being me lol. But here is how I look at this whether or not my grief is self imposed or out of my control....It is how I respond. I think that is what Sophocles was talking about in the quote. There will always be grief alot of it is out of our control but I you throw yourself a big pitty party then it sometimes makes things worse than they seem. I so this alot. I like to be dramatic about things. Like the time I was convinced that I need to see a therapist because I was severly damaged from my childhood. Now I dont think the situation is quite as bad as I potrayed it. Sometimes I hold onto grief, anger, frusteration, etc. I mean stuff happens and it hurts but sometimes you just have to put the situation in perspective and as Lori Salerino says"Get up, Get Over It, Move on" Ok thats all I have for you. Not very deep but it made me think anyways!?

Confessions of a Broken Heart

OK so this is a song that is really resonating with me right now not just parts of the lyrics but also the emotion in Lindsay Lohan's voice when she sings the song. I really seem to relate to music when I cant describe exactly what I am feeling a song more than likely can. This song is just about a girl stuggling with family problems and well I have lots of family issues so the song is very appropriate for me. I wait for the postman to bring me a letterI wait for the good Lord to make me feel betterAnd I carry the weight of the world on my shouldersA family in crisis that only grows older
Why'd you have to goWhy'd you have to goWhy'd you have to go
Daughter to father, daughter to fatherI am broken but I am hopingDaughter to father, daughter to fatherI am crying, a part of me is dying andThese are, these areThe confessions of a broken heart
And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweaterI dream of another youThe one who would never (never)Leave me alone to pick up the piecesA daddy to hold me, that's what I needed
So why'd you have to goWhy'd you have to goWhy'd you have to go!!
Daughter to father, daughter to fatherI don't know you, but I still want toDaughter to father, daughter to fatherTell me the truth, did you ever love meCause these are, these areThe confessions of a broken heart
I love you,I love youI love youI....!!!!!I love you!!
Daughter to father, daughter to fatherI don't know you, but I still want toDaughter to father, daughter to fatherTell me the truth...Did you ever love me!!!?Did you ever love me?These are.....The confessions...of a broken heart
Ohhh....yeah
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter..

I can remember as I child sitting outside my door on our balcony listening to my parents fight late at night when they thought I was asleep. I heard lots of things that I should have never heard..Sometimes Ignorance is bliss. That same scene reappeared for once again last night. I was lying down in my bed after having a lovely convo with my friend Jeanna, when I heard my stepmom screaming at my father...I was like what in the world..So I sat outside my bathroom door for about two hours listening to them fight. I sat there and so many painful memories surfaced. I heard my stepmom yell about me and my sis...our family ...our way of life..my father...She said alot of hurtful things to my father..he trys soo hard to make her happy(not to say he hasnt made mistakes because he has). I dont understand at all. At this point and time I am not sure what is going to happen...I can handle the fact the my parents couldnt work things out when I was a kid. But it really sucks when they are both stuggling in their second marriages. I seriously thought when my dad got remarried that this was his soul mate. Im not so sure...I feel as if she wants to give up(PS they have only been married a few months). In ways I blame my way of life...its extremely difficult for them to understand me I feel. Moving on....after I finally went back into my room I sat there and cried to God...I made a vow to God that I NEVER wanted to get married...I dont even know what a marriage is supposed to look like any more....Ne ways I have to go to work soo thats all for now...Im sure that there will be more to come...