Savin Me

"Savin' Me"
Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin'
[CHORUS]Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin'
[CHORUS]
Hurry I'm fallin'
-Nickelback
I am totally resonating with this song right now. It all started yesterday(ok well maybe not yesterday ..it prolly started quite some time ago but read on you will understand)... I got through my first two classes and I was just so frusterated because I this is a hard semester. Sometimes Im not sure if I am supposed to be even getting a degree in business. So I was on my break between classes (feeling really fusterated and confused) and my friend Cheryl was like hey Lindz come to campus crusade for christ today we are doing a Bible study ...So I agreed and I went. Some of you know that I have big frustrations with this group and have a hard time going at times. So the Bible study started and we went through Acts and they talked about the Holy Spirit and how he nudges you and helps you minister to nonbelievers. Ok so as I am sitting there I am thinking...What the hell why do they talk in Christianese it pissses me off because no one in the group is frustrated or shows real emotion they are like little Christain Robots, then I was like Lindsey why are you saying this, your a bad person talking about Christians like that. Then the through ran through my head maybe I am jealous becuase Im not at their level.....So I left there even more confused than when I came because I didnt know why I was so frustrated and mad at this group. So I tried to read my Finance book for a while but just was having a hard time concentrating. Then I went to my last class. I had no idea what the teacher was talking about I was so lost, mad , and frustrated that I was seriously about to explode becuase my mind was racing so fast. I left the class got in my car and headed home. On my way home I was trying to listen to some music to just calm my nerves. But it was no help so I just turned the radio off and started to cry and scream at God. I was so mad at Him because I was lost and I felt that I had no purpose or direction. Everything has been falling apart and I just have no clue what I am doing. It felt good to just get it all out there on the table. So I went home still feeling really pissed off and started to try and get some of my homework done. I read for awhile (my book was making a little more sense at that time) and then I fell asleep pretty early. So I woke up this morning did my morning routine and then got in my car and turned on my Nickelback Cd and listened to this song. Now your asking what does this have to do with me?Well for me this song kinda represents someone who is a little lost and feels trapped...Someone who is crying out to God to show them the way.. I really didnt know how lost I was until yesterday I think I knew my feet were not quite in the right direction but didnt want to admit it. I can be a really good actor sometimes I think I even fool myself into believing that I am walking with God. I just want to tell you that I think I got off track a while ago. I havent had a real converstaiton with God in a long while. I pray for all of you cause I hate people who say they are praying for someone and dont really do it ..i think thats wrong...But I havent sat down and dealt with my own life in awhile. Last night I got real with God and just threw up my hands and said I cant do this anymore. And I think if God talk he would have said "well duh yea you cant do it...I can ...If you would talk to me and let me in maybe I could guide you" So this is where I am at today ...I talked to God on the way to school and just gave everything back to Him and made a promise that I would talk to him and turn around in the right direction. So I wanted to share this with you all so you can hold me accountable and know where I am at. Pray for me. I am not frustrated or pissed off anymore I have a divine peace that I am walking in the right direction with God and things will get better for me.